Mum’s the Word: Parenting and Depression
Friday, May 29, 2015
Reaching into his coat pocket, his fingers touched the crushed petals from a flower that belonged to his daughter, Zuzu. “Zuzu’s petals!” He shouts.
We all have had our George Bailey moments where we wonder if we matter and if we’ve ever really made a difference in the world. Often, these moments come in times of unexpected change or struggles.
To be honest, I would literally (yes, I plan to use this word correctly) give my left ovary to have an angel come down right now and show me how I’ve made a positive difference. Since I have better a chance of marrying James Franco in the next year, though, I am relying on other things to give me perspective.
These low moments that parents go through are sometimes associated with varying kinds of depression. Despite the huge stigma of depression, I found a series of blog posts by brave mothers sharing their experiences. Knowing that I’m not alone in some of my feelings has been significantly helpful.
However, even more helpful is the scientifically reviewed article called “Tips for Parenting with a Mental Illness” by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
In the article, the author gives tips for parents who have mental illness. Whether the illness is chronic or temporary, this article is a great resource to have. The biggest take away for me was the fact that the article urges parents to stay focused on the entire family. Tartakovsky quotes Joanne Nicholson, Ph.D who said, “From my perspective, mental health is family health.”
Even when we experience legitimate feelings of despair or loss, we must be aware that our actions do affect others, both positively and negatively. This is also a good reminder that doing things to help ourselves when we’re ill is perfectly okay because that treatment (whether it’s taking a day off work or taking prescribed medicine) isn’t just helping yourself; it’s helping your entire family and community.
My second favorite thing about the article is the reminder to give my best time to my child. The author quotes Ryan Howes, Ph.D who advised, “Learn to understand your illness, its triggers and cycles, and apply this knowledge to your schedule.”
I don’t think this means that we should hide what we’re going through from our children. However, we should remember who is important in our lives. Howe’s clarifies, “If vacations cause anxiety, plan more ‘staycations.’ If weeknights are depressing but weekends are brighter, make quality family time on Saturdays.” Instead of pretending like the illness isn’t there, actively thinking about how to live a full, wonderful life with your illness is the healthier choice for your entire family.
The article had other tips, and I definitely encourage you take time to read them by clicking here. However, I feel like I have quoted and rambled about it for long enough. So, I will ramble about other things.
In the film (I’m sorry, I just REALLY love this movie), George Bailey comes back from his supernatural experience with the angel, Clarence. He immediately checks his pocket for a sign that he has come back to his real life. Reaching into his coat pocket, his fingers touched the crushed petals from a flower that belonged to his daughter, Zuzu. “Zuzu’s petals!” He shouts. At this point, his circumstances haven’t really changed. He is still on the verge of both bankruptcy and social ruin. However, this is a picture of father remembering what’s important – and in that moment he found joy.
No. We can’t all have supernatural moments with a celestial being with a semi-annoying voice. However, we do all have our versions of “Zuzu’s petals.” Yesterday, I was having a difficult day and when I reached into my purse and pulled out a sticky, plastic pony…that was my “Zuzu’s petals.”As a result, I strongly believe that even though life is filled with many moments of sadness and struggle, life is still wonderful.
Life is still worth living.
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