Mum’s the Word: Best Friends Forever

Friday, September 25, 2015

Briauna Skye McKizzie, GoLocalPDX Contributor

Gaining a friend is one of the best aspects of parenting. Photo Credit: The Andy Griffith Show (Image Cropped)

When I first learned I was pregnant five years ago, I was not a happy camper. Nauseous and emotional, I thought becoming a parent at the age of 22 was basically a death sentence.

Attempting to cheer me up my brother said, “Why you mad, Brown Eye? You’re going to give birth to your best friend?”

“A best friend? I don’t usually wipe the butts of my best friends constantly, night and day," I retorted.

Apparently, I was under the impression that my child would be incontinent forever.

The truth is, my brother was right. My daughter, Lia, is my absolute best friend. She motivates me, comforts me, and challenges me everyday to be a better person. Not to mention, we also have some pretty fun dance sessions together.

Yet, some of the constant, unsolicited advice that I receive regarding my parenting techniques is: “You don’t want to be her friend; you want to be her parent.”

I’ve thought about this statement for a while, feeling conflicted.

I felt conflicted because I think the people who say things like this have a very strange view of what friendship means.

In fact, I think that what people are trying to say when they give this advice is that a parent shouldn’t want to make their child constantly happy. A parent should not be an enabler.

Even still, the last time I checked, the definition of a friend isn’t being an enabler. A friend is someone who keeps you company when you’re sick and knows all of your quirks and still tolerates you. A friend also lets you know when you're about to make a mistake. They protect you.

When I think of friendship, I think of Samwise’s relationship with Frodo in The Lord of the Rings.

Yes, Samwise did a lot of things to help Frodo, but he also didn’t constantly try and make Frodo happy.

Friendship is about loving someone more than yourself. Photo Credit: Gilmore Girls IMDB Page (Image Cropped)

When Frodo started talking more with Gollom, Samwise, in his wisdom (I see what you did there, Tolkien), told Frodo, “Hey, maybe you don’t want to hang out with the psychotic, monster hobbit. He seems to be a bad influence and has only a tenuous grasp on what good manners are.” Okay, so that may be an extreme paraphrase, but you get my point. Samwise was also a source of instruction and rebuke because friendship is not always about making another person smile.

Friendship is about loving someone more than yourself. So if that's the case then why wouldn't you want to be your child's friend? Being friends with your child doesn't have to mean you're constantly their playmate or that you give them whatever they want. It mostly just means you play together and that you also guide them when needed.

It turns out that my crazy younger brother was right. Gaining a friend is one of the best aspects of parenting.

Homepage Photo Credit: The Terms of Endearment IMDB page

Related Slideshow: 4 Ways to Stay Youthful While Parenting

Here are four ways to stay youthful while parenting.

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1.

Play with your kid. I don’t mean take them to the park for them to stand awkwardly alone while you watch SNL clips on your Iphone. When I say play with your kid, I mean pull out the dollhouse or Legos or whatever your child likes and get on the floor with them and make believe. Put away your smart device, step into a cardboard box, and journey with your child to Neverland.

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2.

Pick activities that you both enjoy. For instance, just because you have a toddler doesn’t mean you have to go see terrible films like Rio 2. If you don’t want to see movies like that, trust me, your two or three year old will not hold it against you if you wait to take them to see something a bit more interesting, or with an actual comprehensible plotline at least, like How to Train Your Dragon or Paddington. Picking activities that are actually appealing to both of you might help you becoming better at intentionally engaging with your child.

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3.

Take your son or daughter with you on outings that you would normally go on by yourself. There are some hobbies, like taxidermy and ventriloquism, that you might want to do solo. However, there are also lots of things that adults like to do that can easily be enjoyed by children. Some of these activities might be hiking, traveling, or getting pedicures. When we bring children into our worlds, we let them know that they are important. At the same time, we also let our friends, who might not have kids yet, know “Hey, see this little dude? He aint goin’ nowhere.”

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4.

On the flipside, make time for a guys’ or girls’ night out. Our children are often our main priority, but that doesn’t mean they are our only priority. Making sure that we are in good mental health is just as important as making sure we are in good physical health. Children are incredibly intuitive, and they can sense when we are stressed, happy, or sad. They are also, bless their little hearts, incredibly self centered and often think those emotions directly correlate to who they are and what they’re doing. So, make time for yourself. Make sure you hang out with your friends to laugh, vent, and de-stress. You will be happier and in turn your children will also be happier knowing that Mom or Dad is smiling.