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Didi’s Manners & Etiquette: Update Your Etiquette

Thursday, May 28, 2015


Nonprofit board etiquette when members shirk their responsibilities, men's summer dress code for when to wear a jacket and white trousers, and what is the etiquette for life after death on Facebook? 

What's the drill for wearing white trousers

Is there a stigma attached to wearing white before Memorial Day and after Labor Day? Is wearing white before Memorial Day OK? I’m going to a party tonight and Memorial Day is tomorrow, can I wear white trousers?  

~J.W., Newport, RI

Winter white is a wonderful color to wear in cooler weather for a sweater or scarf. In the northeast it isn’t usually warm enough to wear white jeans, chinos or linen trousers, or a white dinner jacket, before June 1st.

There are many shades of white, the whiter the white the warmer the climate. Save your brightest white trousers for daytime and wear cream colored and off-white trousers after six o’clock.

Like all trousers, whites should break below the ankles. It’s especially essential with white trousers because you don’t always wear socks with your loafers in hot weather. Not everyone wants to see your gnarly, hairy ankles.

White trousers go best with loafers and not tie shoes, and look even more distinguished with a blazer — even without a necktie.

Don’t wear white trousers if the temperature is below 65 degrees, because most white trousers don’t have a lining. 


Facebook life after death

Periodically, Facebook reminds me of a friend or acquaintance who is dead. Either because it is his birthday and it wants me to wish him a happy day or it wants me to recommend people whom he should friend. If something happened to me, I would not want my face to hauntingly appear in the ‘Friends’ section of the timelines of members of my family and friends. In other words, what is the Facebook etiquette for life after death? 

~Ophelia, Grosse Pointe, MI

There does not have to be any life after death on Facebook. You have the option of appointing a “legacy contact.” This executor of your account takes charge of the memorials after you’re dead. You instruct him or her as to your wishes. He or she has privileges that allow your profile photo and information to be updated. Your legacy contact can even be changed. However, take note that this memorialized contact cannot be changed once you’re gone.

From your account settings in your browser or on your mobile, select Security. Choose ‘Legacy Contact’ and type in the name of a Facebook friend to add as your legacy contact. If you would rather not have a memorialized timeline, you can choose the option of having your Facebook permanently deleted.

However, even without a legacy contact your family can report your death to Facebook and place a memorialization request.

Either way, your account name appears with the word “Remembering” in front of your name. In setting your security settings accordingly, friends will be able to post reminiscing comments on your timeline.

Facebook states that account holders with memorialized accounts can be assured that their name and face won’t appear in birthday announcements and advertisements, nor on the People You May Know list of friend suggestions. Otherwise, request to have your account deleted after you die. 


Invitations asking men to wear jackets

Why are so many invitations asking men to wear jackets? It seems so old-fashioned to insist that male guests wear a jacket. Especially, in warm weather when a well-made shirt should suffice. Even some restaurants won’t allow you in if you’re not wearing a jacket. Is this some kind of fashion throwback because everyone wears t-shirts?  

~W.L., East Hampton, NY  

A jacket improves a man’s overall appearance by making him look a few inches taller and several inches trimmer. Broadening his shoulders, a well-made jacket can give any man a more manly look.

Whether it is a sport jacket, blazer, suit jacket, tuxedo jacket, dinner jacket, one that is well-cut jacket and fits you well, will give you a more masculine profile.

Out of respect for your host, you always dress up as opposed to dressing down. The host is saying. It’s a nice party and I want guests to dress up to show their appreciation by putting Jackets, Jacket and Tie or Jacket Required on the invitation.

Wear an open-collared shirt, or even a t-shirt, as long as you wear a jacket. To feel more summery, don’t wear socks with your loafers or docksiders.

Wearing a jacket is a sign of respect for the people whom you are meeting.  


Nonprofit board etiquette when members slack off

We are on a large nonprofit board at our small local library. There are no term limits and we are trying to figure out the etiquette for asking members who do not participate in any way to revolve off in order to refresh our board membership. What is the nonprofit board etiquette for giving members the boot?

In none of the cases is there evidence of unethical behavior, belligerence, bullishness, or a conflict of interest. It is a matter of them never showing up for meetings or offering any input or funding. You can’t have constructive groupthink when board members don’t show up. It is a matter of ennui, indifference, lethargy, detachment, and tedium vitae.  
~Anonymous, New England

When a board member or committee member shows indifference to the nonprofit, the board etiquette dictates the need for an intervention to take place one-on-one between the board president and the person who needs to be replaced. They can meet informally or have a conversation on the phone. Say something such as this:

“It doesn’t seem like a good time for you to be taking on board (or committee) member responsibilities, which is why I’m wondering if it would be better to release you for the time being from your board (or committee) obligation.”

In offering a leave of absence, you are giving them the benefit of the doubt in suggesting that their board (or committee) membership and participation is up for discussion at a later date. Proposing a leave of absence is an opportunity for a gracious exit.

Your nonprofit by-laws should describe the impeachment process, should you need to vote the person off.

For more information on how to remove a board member, try the nonprofit website BlueAvocado. 


Do you have a dilemma about love, family and life in general for Didi? Go ahead and "Ask Didi."  If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location.


Related Slideshow: 15 Fun Things To Do At This Year’s Rose Festival

With the Portland Rose Festival just around the corner you can expect that there will be plenty to see and do. Here are GoLocalPDX's top 15 things to do.

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A Walk On The Wild Side

This live animal exhibit will bring in a diverse array of exotic mammals, birds, reptiles, and spiders to this year's festival. If you're an animal lover this exhibit is for you. Money raised from this exhibit will also help fund an animal rescue program.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., May 22nd-25th, May 28th-May 31st and June 3rd - 7th. Tickets $7.

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The Big Sling

This human catapult launches riders nearly 25 stories high with over 3 Gs of gravitational force. This is the highest flying ride in the Pacific Northwest. If you're looking for a thrill, go no further.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., May 22nd-25th, May 28th-May 31st and June 3rd-7th. Tickets $7.

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Opening Night Fireworks

A grand firework show will be held over the Willamette River in order to officially kick off the Rose Festival. The fireworks will be choregraphed to music that will be provided by 101.9 KINK FM. This will be one of Oregon's largest firework displays of the year, so don't miss out!

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 9:45pm Fri. May 22nd. Included with regular admission.

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Rock Of The Eighties

Three iconic bands from the 80s will be performing at this year's Rose Festival. Rock Of The Eighties will feature performances by Berlin, The Smihtereens and The Tubes. These three bands represent over 25 million sold records and 25 hit songs.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 7:30pm-11pm Fri. May 29th. Tickets in advance $25, the day of $30.

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Starlight After-Party

This first-ever after-party will take place in the Rose Festival RoZone on the Beaverton Honda stage. It will feature Sir Mix-A-Lot, plus special guests Crazy 8s and Nu Shooz. All those who attend should be ready to dance the night away.

Downtown Portland., 8:30pm-11pm Sat. May 30th. This is a free event for the public.

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Starlight Parade

One of the Rose Festivals most popular events will be returning this year. The Starlight parade will feature marching bands and illuminated floats. There are currently around 100 entries that will travel along this 2.25 mile route. If you want to be a part of one of the Rose Festival's most well-known traditions, then go no further.

Begins at NW Burnside and 9th AVE and ends at Lincoln High School., 8:30pm-11pm Sat. May 30th. This is a free event for the public.

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This year the Portland Rose Festival will be teaming up with 98.7 The Bull to celebrate CountryFest. This concert series will include performances by Big & Rich and Thompson Square. 

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 4:30pm Sun. May 31st. Tickets in advance $32, the day of $35.

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Fleet Week

Guests will have the opportunity to visit and tour vessels from the United States Navy, U.S. Coast Guard and the Canadian Maritime Forces. The Portland Rose Festival is extremely lucky to be one of the few U.S. Ports of Call that will have this unique opportunity. Thanks to the committment from the Navy, the Rose Festival's Fleet Week will remain one of the premier Fleet Weeks in the country.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway-North End., 9:30am-3:30pm on June 3rd-7th. This event is free for the public.

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Queen's Coronation

One of the most prestigious events at the Rose Festival has always been the Queen's Coronation. At this event the Queen will be crowned based on leadership and scholastic achievement, school activities, civic involvement, volunteer projects, communication skills, and overall impression. The Queen will then represent Portland for the next year at various events throughout the country. 

Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, Portland., 8:30am-9:30am Sat. June 6th. Tickets $30.

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Grand Floral Parade

This traditional parade will include colorful floats, marching bands, dancers, equestrian groups and more! This event has been a proud annual tradition of the Rose Festival for 100 years.

Memorial Coliseum to Downtown Portland., 10am-2pm Sat. June 6th. Tickets $15-$30.

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Dragon Boat Race

The Portland Rose Festival Dragon Boat Race will once again be held this year along the Willamette River. This race will feature over 80 teams —local, national and international. The boats have been provided by the Portland-Kaohsiung Sister City Association.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway-South End., 8am-4pm Sat and Sun. June 6th-7th. This is a free event for the public. 

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KINK On The Waterfront

This year KINK On The Waterfront will feature, Walk Off The Earth. Their 5-people-playing-one-guitar interpretation of Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know” has garnered plenty of attention over the past few years on Youtube. The Rose Festival will be lucky to have them perform!

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 5:30pm-11pm Sat. June 6th. Tickets in advance $25, the day of $30.

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Grand Floral Walk

If you're looking for a workout in the middle of all the festivities the Grand Floral Walk is just for you. This 4.2 mile will take place along the Grand Floral Parade route. Gather your friends, neighbors and co-workers and attend this event together.

Memorial Coliseum to Downtown Portland., 9:30am-11am Sat. June 6th. Tickets per adult $20, per child $10. 

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Grand Floral Showcase

Be sure to check out the Grand Floral Float Showcase that takes place along SW Naito Parkway. This is a great opportunity to see some of these floats up close. 

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 3pm-10pm Sat. June 6th. 11am-4pm Sun. June 7th.

Prev Next

Rose Cup Races

The Rose Festival's Rose Cup Races will once again be taking place at the Portland International Speedway. This annual race is the oldest road-racing events West of the Mississippi River. They also just celebrated 50 years of racing back in 2010. 

Portland International Speedway., 8am-6pm Fri-Sun. June 12th-14th. Tickets in advance $20, the day of $25.


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