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slides: 10 Things That Have Never Been Said in Portland

Saturday, January 17, 2015

 

Portlanders are a breed of their own. We're kale-munching, mountain-biking, beer-brewing hipsters and coffee snobs. 

Even in a culture as unique and quirky as ours, there are certain things that people just don't do.

There are things that have never been said. 

See Slides Below: 10 Things That Have Never Been Said in Portland 

Conan O'Brien's reoccurring bit called "Things That Have Never, Ever Been Said," is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Here are a few of his hilarious lines:

"I watched dateline last night and the murderer was not the husband."

"We met on Tinder, and now we're engaged!"

"Could you pass along your quinoa recipe" - This one is something Portlanders actually say frequently. 

GoLocalPDX took a page from Conan's book and came up with our own sarcastic one-liners about things people in Portland would just never say. 

Here are 10 things that have never been said in Portland:

 

 

Related Slideshow: 10 Things That Have Never Been Said in Portland

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"Oh look, the MAX is on time."

HA! 

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"They don't serve beer here."

Begin freak out. 

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"Starbucks has the best coffee."

Starbucks is way too basic for Portlanders. We're more likely to be found in that coffee shop in a corner under the bridge that nobody knows about or has ever even heard of. That's what makes their coffee so good.  

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"There's never a line at VooDoo Donuts."

Or Salt & Straw. 

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"The Portland street fee is a good idea."

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"I shop at Walmart"

Even if we wanted to, they're few and far between in this city.

There never has been and probably never will be a Walmart downtown. 

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"I'm a proud hipster."

There are tons of hipsters in Portland, but they're all too hipster to admit it. 

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"No."

Portlanders don't like to say no. We just say yes and then don't do or show up to whatever it is we agreed to. 

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"I love people from California."

More like go back to California and take your umbrellas with you!

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"Byron Beck wasn't at that party."

Let's be real, if there's a party, gala, festival, awards ceremony - you name it - in Portland, Byron Beck will be there.

Read his Party Reports every week on GoLocalPDX. 

Photo: Byron Beck with Portland Trail Blazers' Robin Lopez at the MayDay App release party. 

 
 

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