Job Corner: Why Your Boss is a Bully

Monday, February 09, 2015

Lea McLeod, GoLocalPDX Careers Expert

A new client wrote to me recently, citing an atrocious work situation:

"My boss is someone who thrives on fear and manages by bullying. I am hard on myself thinking that I will lose the respect of my co-workers - or even lose my job - since I can't always keep my cool when my boss is being nasty. And let’s not even talk about how demotivated I am."

Wow. What’s shocking to me about this note isn’t that she has a bully manager. It’s that she’s criticizing herself for not being able to stay cool with a bully manager.

Like many who get caught in the nasty web of a bully (or “abrasive”) manager, this employee seems to be implicitly asking: “What’s wrong with me that this boss doesn’t seem to think I can do anything right?”

And that is so not the right question.

It Might Not Be You, Actually. It Might Be Them.

Recent research shows one third of all workers consider themselves a victim of bullying in the workplace.

And 47 percent of workers say when stress levels rise; the boss does not stay calm and in control.

For sure, we can all have our bad days and lash out when we don’t mean to. If you’ve ever been stranded at an airport, or been cut off in traffic you know that feeling.

But we’re not talking about the occasional outburst here. The thing that makes a hostile, bully, or abrasive manager different is that it isn’t just one-off behavior when he or she is having a bad day. It’s chronic, repetitive patterns implementing tactics of fear and intimidation in the workplace.

Most Are Shocked To Find Out They Are One!

In her work with hundreds of abrasive managers, Dr. Laura Crawshaw, author of Taming the Abrasive Manage: How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace identified key characteristics about bully managers that might surprise you.

First and foremost, they often don’t realize they ARE a bully manager. In her coaching work, when Dr. Crawshaw brings it up to managers, they often express astonishment at how they are perceived.

Surprisingly, unlike Dr. Evil sitting in his underground lair plotting the demise of the world, many bully managers are kind, considerate, and lovely people when they are not in the workplace. And that’s how they perceive themselves.

So What Creates This Monster At The Office?

Like so many dysfunctional behaviors in life, an abrasive management style often stems from the person’s own internal sense of anxiety.

Crawshaw writes that though they may appear to be confident, competent, and collected on the outside, abrasive managers are gnawed by deep-seated fears and insecurity on the inside.

They wrestle with their own sense of competence. And they certainly don’t want you to find out about it.

So instead of dealing with unexpected situations or setbacks with diplomacy and inquiry, they lash out with an aggressive hostility – and words – that intimidate those around them.

Not sure if your boss is having the occasional day, or a full on bully? Dr. Crawshaw cites these at the top five behaviors abrasive managers exhibit. See how your boss matches up.

Do You Have One? Top 5 Behaviors Of Abrasive Managers

1. Making threats. This might sounds something like, “If this project isn’t completed perfectly you’ll all be fired!”

2. Condescending behavior. For example, “How could you how could you be so stupid?” or, “What were you thinking to make such an idiot mistake?”

3. Controlling and micromanaging. This is over the shoulder management – usually inspired by the fear of failure because you (or the team) won’t get the work done perfectly, or exactly as the boss would.

4. Public Humiliation. Among the worst behaviors – shaming, criticizing or targeting someone in a meeting, message or other public forum.

5. Overreaction. If you don’t immediately understand what he or she is saying, they will become unglued and go on a rant rampage.

Any of those sound familiar?

You might not be able to get coaching for your manager, but there are definitely tactics you can implement to counteract the impact and behavior of a toxic, bully manager. Next week, we’ll talk about the action steps you can take, to keep you sanity and your peace of mind, with an abrasive manager.

Lea McLeod helps people learn how to develop job search strategies that get them confidence and dreamy jobs. As mentioned, she writes resumes (and LinkedIn profiles) to help people get interviews faster.

She also developed The Resume Coloring Book and E-Course to help you write a powerful, professionally done resume, at a fraction of what a professional would cost.

Formerly a Director Level manager at Hewlett-Packard, she hired, fired and managed people around the world. You can find her at LeaMcLeod.com. Follow her on Twitter and get connected on LinkedIn.